just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
