so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
