I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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