I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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