Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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