dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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