WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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