I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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