i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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