Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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