this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
