He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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