you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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