She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
