I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
