i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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