pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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