Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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