I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
not ubering you a puppy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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