we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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