i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
