She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
