I have demons in me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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