oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
