You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
