just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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