Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
