I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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