At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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