my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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