When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
