I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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