can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
