He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
