Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
