I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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