He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
