Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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