Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
