Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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