Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
