Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I could fuck to npr.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my liver is dry heaving
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
