The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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