god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
