i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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