no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
