I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
