I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
