You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize