I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
