just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
