you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
