i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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