What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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