i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
