haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
