I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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