I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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