Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
