I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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