girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize