I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
