she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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